On Trader Joe's and Karl

You know how you eat so much fiber that your gut makes sounds like dial-up? Ever get tired of always consciously feeding yourself fresh raw alkaline organic locally-grown vitamin-packed calcium- and iron-rich fair-trade fibrous foods, and recycling the packaging? I've got a friend whose stomach growls constantly. His kids named this phenomenon "Karl" and when "Karrrrlllll" grumbles it's all I can do to stay in the room because it's impolite to laugh. I shop Trader Joe's grocery because it is cheap and most of it organic. There's some controversy about unions or imports or whatnot, but with my responsibilities I can't fix everyone else's problems until I catch up a bit on eating fresh raw alkaline organic locally-grown vitamin-packed and fibrous foods, and recycling the packaging (the recycling center is seven miles away). Organic carrots, lettuce, potatoes, pepitas, apples and broccoli slaw mix are in this healthy haul, plus cave-ripened bleu cheese. Now that I'm politically and nutritionally correct, let me go have a marshmallow.