Sunday, May 24, 2015

How Do You Mend?

Match dating situations 1, 2, 3, and 4 with the correct responses (A, B, C, or D).
#1: After two dates and making a third date, for trout fishing, text arrives from #1 cancelling, saying he thought he could handle two relationships at once but he felt so guilty and needed time to straighten things out with his long-distance girlfriend of three years, whom he sees only on weekends, but I was so interesting and attractive that if he did break up with her, could he call me?

#2: Charming, cosmopolitan date so mutually thrilling that two days later we meet again at a cafe, where he delivers, out of the blue, a most cynical two-hour harangue on politics city, state, national, and global, with a preview of the coming apocalypse. After several courteous and failed attempts to change the subject or get a word in, I openly showed boredom, but it was as if I were not there. Realizing that I would honestly prefer to be having coffee with Todd Aiken, I say a polite goodbye. Text arrives that evening asking do I like him, and apologizing that he sometimes talks too much, and he is such a progressive that some people are not used to it.

#3: Scientific type agrees to meet. The day before, I email him to confirm. He replies he can't make it, is too busy with work, and will call "in a couple of weeks."

#4: World-class tightwad, age 68, who brings me an empty wine bottle because it's pretty, is plainly told that we can be friends but no more than that. This sets him on fire, not to go out on actual dates, but to take long hikes together and send me late-night drunken texts. As a friend, I accompany him to his colonoscopy, and when he awakens he warns me that he is naked beneath his gown and I am not to peek.

A. F--- you.
B. F--- off.
D. All of the above.

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