Sunday, June 2, 2013

Girly Girlness in the Ozarks

It's more important in the country than in the city for a woman to show her femininity so's people don't think you're one of those man-hater women's libbers. When I drive downstate I put on lipstick (looks like I'm wearing full makeup); that could be the difference between being helped with a flat tire or left to change it myself. Other acceptable ways to look like a girly girl:

  • Wear pink or red
  • Wear floral prints or at least paint-on or stick-on flowers on your clothes
  • Wear flowy clothing
  • Dye your hair blonde
  • Grow your hair long, no matter how awful it looks (mine is short, so I compensate with pink or red or florals)
  • Have your toenails and fingernails painted. Extra points for long fingernails with nail art (as shown).
  • Wear bling
  • Don't wear Birkenstock sandals
  • Do show cleavage (at any age)
  • Smile and make your eyes big
  • Wear full makeup 
  • Have a very obvious and huge boob job
In short, look like Dolly Parton as much you can. The nail-art samples above come from the local nail salon that I favor.