Hey Guys, Keep It Classy

Guys, when you are on a first date, these are the dumb ways you give away to your date that you watch lots of Internet p0*n. You:

• Rate women on a numeric scale from 1 to 10.
• Ask if we shave, and regardless of our reply tell us in detail about the amount and styling of hair you find acceptable.
• Declare that you hate and will never, ever use condoms, that you can't use condoms, they're really uncomfortable, etc.
• Have only one erogenous zone, and believe that women have only two.
• Never read books or magazines (We know that is because you spend all your leisure time watching Internet p0*n.).
• Complain that your PC runs really, really slowly (We know that's because your PC is full of malware and viruses from Internet p0*n sites.).
• Declare, and illustrate with finger-in-mouth gesture, that romantic comedies make you sick.
• Openly and shamelessly tell us, "I'm a single guy, so I watch p0*n, okay?" (If we watched p0*n to get our ya-yas, we would have class enough to keep it a deep dark secret, especially on a first date.)
• Ask if we squirt.
• Proudly announce that you do not own a suit. (We know that's because instead of going to weddings and funerals you stay home and watch Internet p0*n.)
• You took guitar or sitar lessons for a while, but not any more (because all your time is taken up).
• Ask when we were last tested for STDs. If we ask you, your answer is always "I know I'm all right."

How to Suck Honey from Honeysuckle

Today I met Ben, who taught me how to pluck a honeysuckle blossom and taste the clear droplet of sweet nectar (before a bee gets it). Ben says when he and his friends are outside they sometimes get distracted by honeysuckle and forget the game they were playing. He says, furthermore, that honeysuckle honey is addictive. In the 20-second video, Ben shows how it's done. Written instructions are below.
Written instructions:

1. Pluck 1 trumpet-shaped honeysuckle blossom.
2. Find the tiny green bulb at the blossom's base. Pinch it lightly and slowly pull it out of the blossom. This draws out the thin green stamen.
3. On the tip of the stamen will be your drop of honey. Place on tongue.

Two Brothers

Had some city guests out on the property today. Their boys went right for the firearms -- and we shot .22s practically all day. They'd never done it before, and were hooked. But their parents did prevail upon them long enough to take a walk with us through the autumn woods, and here they are, Steven, 11, and Jackson, 12.