Thursday, June 7, 2012

Looks Like My Old Roommate Eileen

This Three-Toed Box Turtle I met today reminded me of my former roommate Eileen, who woke every morning at 4:30, went right to the kitchen and ground her coffee beans in an electric grinder, shocking me awake five days a week. It sounded like Guadalcanal.

With blue-ringed eyes and great tact I asked Eileen to grind her coffee beans the night before and explained why. She said, "The coffee wouldn't be fresh then," and continued her daily grinding. Lurch (our other roommate) and I had a problem. We lost two hours' sleep because the hag had to have freshly-ground coffee beans or else she was gonna die, I guess. Lurch wasn't going to do anything, so it was up to me.

While Eileen was out one day, I got a screwdriver, crept into the kitchen, and unplugged the coffee grinder. I removed its base plate, stuck the screwdriver inside the mechanism, jammed it in there real good, and scraped its insides around and bent whatever I could. Then I replaced the base plate, wiped off my fingerprints and left it as I found it. Later that day while I was at work it occurred to me that whatever I had done might cause Eileen to be electrocuted. I shrugged. I'd find out in the morning.

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