I Hire a Wardrobe Consultant

I followed a sudden, unprecedented impulse to hire Dacy of MindfulCloset to re-dress me and yesterday bagged up clothing that no longer fit: 44, count 'em, 44 pieces of business clothing: pants, skirts, suits unworn since the workdays of 1997-2010 or that I wore with safety pins and grieved in because their waistlines measured 26" and mine didn't anymore. This seems trivial, but in business it matters very much. I'm a professional editor and when I go out I have to look well-edited.

I told Dacy, a girlish 36, that although those mostly black and funereal clothes didn't fit, I felt bad leaving them (and thus those days) behind. She told me to picture the future wearing new stuff I'd look awesome in and absolutely love.

Our free consultation was right here. We did a questionnaire and paged through some fashion books seeking looks I liked (Coco Chanel!) and what else I favored (solid colors, fur or mohair or cashmere, comfort, durability, linings, pants pockets, necklines with space for jewelry). I showed her my closet, what I wore, didn't or couldn't wear. She measured me and gave me a choice of shopping with her or she'd shop for me, bring the clothes over, let me try them on, and return those I didn't want. I chose the latter (I hate shopping for clothes, or rather, I suffer: they never have my size; I don't know who sells classic clothes; I'm hustled or ignored by salespeople; I don't have hours to crawl the malls, and pricetags scare me. I bought almost all my clothes on eBay and paid a tailor to fit them to my then-body). Consultant to many, Dacy  (pictured) knows where to shop and she came over with several armsful (with her own rolling clothes rack) for me to choose from.

I could just weep for joy, imagining the confidence I will have when clothes fit, are pretty colors, hide my figure flaw (yes, I've got only one), and make people say "You look stunning" -- because I am!

MindfulCloset service costs $45 an hour, but my services cost rather more and I know when I'm more confident I'll surely draw more business. I told her I'd pay for quality, durability and versatility. I will take it out of my savings because this is what savings are for. It's also a business expense.

What's left in my closet after the Great Purge: One dress (black). One suit (black). One pair of pants (black). One skirt (brown). One summer dress. One beloved too-tight suit (navy) to take to the tailor to see if she can "let it out" and make it wearable again.

Girly Girlness in the Ozarks

It's more important in the country than in the city for a woman to show her femininity so's people don't think you're one of those man-hater women's libbers. When I drive downstate I put on lipstick (looks like I'm wearing full makeup); that could be the difference between being helped with a flat tire or left to change it myself. Other acceptable ways to look like a girly girl:

• Wear pink or red
• Wear floral prints or at least paint-on or stick-on flowers on your clothes
• Wear flowy clothing
• Dye your hair blonde
• Grow your hair long, no matter how awful it looks (mine is short, so I compensate with pink or red or florals)
• Have your toenails and fingernails painted. Extra points for long fingernails with nail art (as shown).
• Wear bling
• Don't wear Birkenstock sandals
• Do show cleavage (at any age)
• Smile and make your eyes big
• Wear full makeup 
• Have a very obvious and huge boob job

In short, look like Dolly Parton as much you can. The nail-art samples above come from the local nail salon that I favor.