Girly Girlness in the Ozarks

It's more important in the country than in the city for a woman to show her femininity so's people don't think you're one of those man-hater women's libbers. When I drive downstate I put on lipstick (looks like I'm wearing full makeup); that could be the difference between being helped with a flat tire or left to change it myself. Other acceptable ways to look like a girly girl:

• Wear pink or red
• Wear floral prints or at least paint-on or stick-on flowers on your clothes
• Wear flowy clothing
• Dye your hair blonde
• Grow your hair long, no matter how awful it looks (mine is short, so I compensate with pink or red or florals)
• Have your toenails and fingernails painted. Extra points for long fingernails with nail art (as shown).
• Wear bling
• Don't wear Birkenstock sandals
• Do show cleavage (at any age)
• Smile and make your eyes big
• Wear full makeup 
• Have a very obvious and huge boob job

In short, look like Dolly Parton as much you can. The nail-art samples above come from the local nail salon that I favor.