The Christmas Miracle

Hairy-stemmed poison ivy grew all over the garage's northern wall and wasn't visible until the foliage was gone. Ivy overgrowing a structure not only crawls all over it, but pulls with incredible strength. It can pull whole trees down or part the stones in a stone wall. It was gathering under the garage roof in a conspiracy. The ivy had to go. And nobody else was gonna cut it down, so it was on me.

Trouble was, I could barely move or think, being so burnt out from work it was too much effort to raise my arms overhead, much less pick up a cutting tool. Was limping around. Couldn't stay standing for long. Couldn't think of words, either. I had healing to do, but how? Stupid woo-woo advice from the Internet said sleep, meditation, yoga, little or no Internet (the net generates decision fatigue), and replace the Internet with books.

Okay, then: waking shockingly late, exhausted on waking, feeling corny every minute of the yoga DVD and meditation app, working as much as able (about 1/4 the normal), drinking coffee (it didn't help), and the rest of the time reading, starting with McCullough's hefty Harry Truman biography. Sprinkle in a few meetings or meals with friends and four days of cat-sitting. Three weeks and this morning I get out of bed saying, "This is the day I tape down that one carpet" and even before morning coffee it was done, and I still had energy. With temperatures in the high 50s I dressed in long sleeves and long pants and gloves, and bushwhacked behind the garage (all overgrown) to the ivy-covered garage wall and started severing the vines.

Took about an hour. It was a miracle: I still had energy. Severed some honeysuckle vines along the lane. Still had some energy. Shampooed and showered in case any poison ivy touched me. While on the bedroom floor putting on sneakers I saw some spaces all dusty and cobwebby. Dragged out the vacuum and vacuumed them up. Then -- then! -- I still had enough energy to cook a baked potato and an egg in butter. And eat them! And then write this post!

It's a miracle! Merry Christmas, happy holidays, blessed solstice.

Pearls in the Grass

We are fancy enough on the Divine Property to pay to have our grass mowed every two weeks, as it was today, but yesterday in the tall overgrown grass along with feasting bunnies I found amanita mushrooms -- amanitas have these "flake salt" skin tags -- and knew they weren't for eating -- never eat a mushroom with a "flake salt" or "skin tag" look: poisonous as heck, especially a white one, known as a "destroying angel." So I admired it for a time and appreciated its pearlescent skin, a feature unnoticed before. A shaggy or "pilly" stem is another warning sign. Cut down before it opened up, so it did not have a chance to assume its classic toadstool shape.

Hawthorn Berry

Hawthorn berries, currently ripening to a lovely carnelian red, are called "haws" and are both medicinal and full of cyanide. The seeds, if you ingest them, turn to a terrifically poisonous gas, hydrogen cyanide, in your intestines, and that is a stomachache you do not want to have. The flesh, though, is said to be good for blood pressure and heart issues. I think I'll leave all that to the experts and to the birds who eat these berries, and simply admire them.

Treating Poison Ivy with Coconut Oil

I tramped in the woods wearing low-cut shoes although I know better, and at home rinsed and toweled off my legs to dislodge chiggers and ticks, but didn't scrub with soap and water, and the next day enormous red blistered patches were blotching both ankles and one spot on my calf. Last time I had poison ivy I saw a dermatologist (15 years ago, back when you could get in to see a dermatologist), which reminds me:

Friend developed rashes shaped like a map of South America up and down her legs, and they were enlarging. Worried and feverish, she called the dermatologist, then another, then another. No appointments were available for a whole year. She went to a dermatologist's office anyway and told the receptionist she'd sit in the waiting room to see a doctor, even if it took all day or all week. Finally one saw her. Friend had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, a tick-borne, potentially fatal illness. They got her the medicine and then, really oddly, thanked her for coming in.

But poison ivy must run its course of 3 itchy, miserable weeks, doctor or not, so I used the standard treatment, cortisone ointment, but still itched. Finally I anointed the bright-red rashes on my ankles--they blistered and itched the most--with coconut oil. The next day the ankle patches (bottom of photo) had lost their redness, while the untreated calf patch (at the top) was still bright red. Used coconut oil on all patches for another night. Redness and itching faded. What a relief. Photograph taken three days after getting poison-ivied. I hope this information helps someone.

Just Making Sure

"What are these pretty red bushes at the roadside?"

"Sumac."

"Oh, no! If I touch it, will I get a rash? Are those berries poisonous?"

"You're thinking of poison sumac, which grows in swamps and has white berries. You'll probably never see poison sumac in Missouri. But if you're allergic to cashews or mangoes, stay away from all sumac; sumac is related to them."

"Can I eat the berries?"

"Some people make sumac lemonade by steeping the berries, but these berries are dried out. You have to pick sumac berries in the summer to make the lemonade."

"Is it pronounced soo-mac or shoo-mack?"

"Shoo-mack."

"Why? There's no 'H'. There aren't any other words in English like that."

"Don't be so sure."*

*Joke credited to Mark Twain.

Don't Eat These Beans

The trumpet vine (campsis radicans), also called trumpet creeper or hummingbird vine, is native to Missouri, and its red and orange horn-shaped flowers are lovely, but it's a pest and twines around anywhere it feels like twining, and climbs like ivy, so it's classed as invasive too. The hotter the weather gets, the more they bloom. Hummingbirds like the blossoms so I like them, but today I saw beans like six-inch green beans hanging from them. Some "beans" hung in clusters of three; others were single like this one. I didn't know trumpet vines had seed pods that are a dead ringer for green beans.

Can you cook and eat them like green beans, meaning with mushroom soup and canned french-fried onions? No, they are poisonous.