Out of a Fireplace

In mid-August, quite well grown, they're leaving the nest in my fireplace to find more mice to eat than are available in a fireplace that's capped and sealed. From the inside, the snakes might work at loosening the tape for two days before emerging. Sometimes they're blacksnakes, sometimes northern prairie ringnecks (Diadophus punctatus edwardsii) such as this one. With tongs I peeled the tape from the fireplace, snake and all, and put it outside on gravel where it had a chance to work itself free. The film is one minute long.

Cooking for Midwesterners

I’ve discussed Midwestern dating. Now I address Midwestern dining, specifically home cooking for company. I’m a cook so I know.

• Fry it, they’ll like it.
• Grilled Sea-Bass Tacos with Fresh Peach Salsa and no one will ever marry you.
• Serve Four-Cheese Macaroni and 3 of your cheeses are wasted.
• “Seafood steaks” is an oxymoron. I made tuna steaks & cream sauce for my mom and stepdad in 1994, and the only meal they hated more was my cousin’s new wife’s Duck L’Orange in 1971 -- and I still haven’t heard the end of it.
• Midwestern adults aren’t afraid of squash.
• These are the best people to invite to a potluck, but they call their own such parties “pot blessings.”
• A Midwestern all-day picnic is the greatest experience life has to offer.
  
• God gave you elbows so you can put them on the table and eat more.
  
• I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter should be served in its tub so as to prove its authenticity.
• Midwestern men are the best grillers in the world.