Don't Look at These Dead Snakes

The fireplace's grille has been taped shut since 2013 because snakes were being born in the hearth, harmless blacksnakes and Prairie Ringneck Snakes, but every April into August, the (non-working) fireplace was more and more like a nightclub with snakes coming and going, and finally the situation breached my tolerance level. Averse to the "duct-tape" look, I taped aluminum foil onto the grille trying to discourage further breeding in the fireplace, and added more layers of clear tape as it came unstuck.

This week I peeled away all the tape because it looked ugly and my Easter guests would spend lots of time in the living room. I think six snakes are visible in the photo; there were a number of smaller ones, maybe 12 in all.

Tape isn't an ideal solution. The snakes die of dehydration. In July 2014 I found a live snake stuck to a loose strand of tape, clearly suffering, and videotaped its rescue in a post. In fact this blog has several snake appreciation posts. I like snakes, but they really do better outdoors, and some of my  guests who if they saw live snakes sidewinding through the house would never be my friend again.

Cats Do Not Belong Outside

All I wanted was a short walk and I had to step over this and think about its life and death, its owners who must have loved, admired, fed, and held it and are probably now wondering when their pet will come back to its fine warm safe indoor home, just right for a domesticated animal. They let their cat out so it could walk on the wild side, chase a few mice, kill a few birds, get some exercise; or perhaps they weren't watching and it escaped, wanting adventure instead of lazing around the house looking elegant. Its cream-colored tail lay about 12 feet away. Please keep cats indoors; letting them roam is the same as killing them. A few feral cats live around here, and while they might survive for a season they all meet the same fate; I know that because I walk these roads. Letting your dogs run loose isn't a good idea either.

Wildlife Police Blotter: Crime Close to Home

Case 1. Murder. 05/15/2014, 1:35 p.m.:  Deceased headless bluejay found floating in the Divine Property's rain barrel. Body appears to have been deliberately dropped in the barrel, which is 4 feet high but just beneath the roof and gutter. Officer did not care to seek the victim's head for further clues. Suspects: Delinquent raccoons have been recently encountered in the area. All local feral cats will also be brought in for questioning.

Case 1 crime scene

Case 2: Squatting. On or about 05/03/2014, two house sparrows fly into the garage's open door and occupy the premises despite the laws of common sense. Officer orders the squatters out, opens garage doors and leaves them open for hours at a time, advising them of the risk of death by dehydration and starvation. Birds poop flagrantly on Officer's vehicle and resist eviction and arrest. This continues until, on or about 5/12/2014, noises and flapping in the garage cease. On 5/14/2014, the reek of decay fills the garage. Officer says, "I told you so," and has not located the remains.

Case 3: Theft and vandalism. On 05/14/2014 about 7:30 p.m. a raccoon described only as "obese" lawfully crawls on the roof of the Divine Cabin but then attempts to drink from each of the four glass hummingbird feeders, causing the largest and most expensive feeder to drop to the ground and shatter. Armed with a broom, Officer (temporarily insane) confronts the suspect and whups it upside the head to show who is boss. Suspect turns tail and is struck in the hindquarters and is now a Ten Most Wanted fugitive and a suspect in the headless bluejay case. Raccoons kill poultry and wild birds by biting their heads and necks, and decapitation is quite typical.

Demetrius the Gardener: 1948-2009

A brilliant and strictly principled organic gardener, Demetrius was talented with all plants and devoted to vegetables. He dug a pit 25 feet by 25 out of hard clay and filled it with soil and it became his garden. He grew exquisite tomatoes, beans, zucchini, Charentais cantaloupes, pattypan squash, lettuces, and red potatoes; also onions, garlic, turnips and -- pictured, he's harvesting -- kale. Fresh kale grew deep into the the winter in the hotbeds he built. When he saw his first tomato seedlings every April, you would have thought he was a new father admiring his babies.

Demetrius used to lecture and chide the bunnies who were calmly and in plain sight chomping on his vegetables. The bunnies didn't listen, although he had important stuff to say. So he planted white clover between the vegetable rows, and it worked; the bunnies ate the clover and left the rest alone. But we never did figure out how to keep the turtles from eating the cantaloupes. He loved the seasons and solstices and bees and cycles of life and often remarked on the natural world: "The design is perfect."

He always tried to get a position as a gardener but his true love was farming. The tomatoes on the plate I'm holding in my own photo are the fruits of his labor. Goodbye, friend since 1997; a difficult and sometimes tortured man, Demetrius. He took that name because it means "priest of Demeter" and a gardener is a priest of the earth.