Velveeta, My Love

I like an aged and sharp cheddar cheese as well as anyone, maybe more so because I'm from Wisconsin, but I would rather live in Missouri and eat Velveeta than live in Wisconsin and eat cheddar. Velveeta Cheese Product attracts me because:

1. It's good enough to eat but not good enough to snack on.
2. I can eat 55 percent more of it because it's got only 45 percent of cheddar's fat.
3. It melts wonderfully into my baked sweet potato.
4. It's cheaper, although not that cheap: one pound, about $5; two pounds for $7.
5. Dry out and whiten around the edges it will, but even when forgotten in the fridge for months it won't turn blue or totally gooey brown, and it will never smell.
6. Kids will eat it, as will many Midwestern adults.
7. Velveeta actually used this slogan: "It'll Get Eaten."And it does get eaten when there's nothing else to eat.
8. The ingredients aren't that bad: milk, whey, skim milk, milk protein concentrate, whey protein concentrate, sodium phosphate, modified food starch; and 2 percent or less of salt, calcium phosphate, corn syrup, canola oil, maltodextrin, lactic acid, sorbic acid, sodium alginate, sodium citrate, cheese culture, enzymes, apocarotenal, and annatto (for color).

Get the original. Don't bother with "reduced-fat" Velveeta; it doesn't melt well and lacks that nice synthetic flat-paint American-cheese flavor.

Asparagus Keesh

("Keesh" spelling is courtesy of Demetrius, who spit the stuff out at a party where they served "pizza quiche." He was the same guy who microwaved some kiwifruit and stormed, "These are the worst potatoes I have ever eaten.")

Ahem. Friend and I, not all that old but experienced in life, were talking about pleasure, and when all is said and done, good eatin' is the one pleasure that never fails. In spring, whether one is young or not, one's fancy turns to thoughts of asparagus quiche, roasted asparagus, asparagus raw, sauteed, or steamed, asparagus pasta. I recommend using Baby Swiss cheese for a delectable result, and put the asparagus, once you steam it, on a layer of sliced spring onions if you can. Try as I might I couldn't get this photo right-side-up; must be the planets today.