I Heart Judge Judy

According to Judge Judy, she has 10 million viewers every weekday and hers is the only show I'll take an hour to watch (back-to-back episodes between 4 and 5 p.m.) and the only show I record so I never miss it, and the only reason I pay $35 a month for TV because I regularly watch nothing else now that Jay Leno's off the air.

I know how much she's hated, yet Her Honor fascinates me: a rude, clever, demanding woman skewering the scum of humanity: defaulters on loans, grabbers of steering wheels, owners of unleashed dogs, teenage drunks, no-show DJs, urban BB shooters, non-paying roommates, Craigslist creeps--smartasses of all ages. She's part of what makes America great.

Yet Her Honor is not the whole show. I heart how much the real people look exactly like what they are! The sleaze has the posture, clothing, haircut, makeup, look, voice, facial expression of a sleaze. The skank, the rich suburban psycho, the ne'er-do-well father of 6 children by 4 women, the lazy laborer, or the swole-belly penny-ante landlord--all seem to look exactly like what they are. I'm especially enthralled when the plaintiffs and defendants are from Missouri. Okay, I've admitted it. I've watched for years. Years.